In that highly successful comedy series from the 1960s, Hogan’s Heroes, one of the funniest characters was Sargeant Schultz who was famous for saying:

I see nothing. I know nothing.

Well, in Moncton, we have our own version of Hogan’s Heroes – except the difference here is that the heroes are the provincial Tory politicians and Hogan himself plays the role of Sargeant Schultz with this “I see nothing. I know nothing.” Now I doubt that our Al Hogan over at the Times & Transcript has the raucous private life of the original Hogan but he certainly has figured out how to play the Schultz role to a tee.

Let’s hypothesize a little dialogue from our version of Hogan’s Heroes:

Schultz storms in on Hogan (Lord) and the boys and finds the second worst job creation in Canada since 1999, a 37% increase in the provincial budget while population is declining, a rural outmigration, and much more dependency on Equalization.

Schultz (Al Hogan): I see nothing. I know nothing.

Hogan (Lord): Schultz, I know that this week a conference in Ottawa predicted dire outcomes for Atlantic Canada if we don’t embark on a new economic development strategy; I know that Atlantic Yarns just laid off several hundred workers; I know that there were national stories about the problems we are facing in New Brunswick; but could you reserve your We Say segment on Saturday to gush over me spending $6 million in Moncton? I know. I know. $6 million represents only less than 1/2 of 1% of the health budget each year but I could surely use the positive press. Please use words like “to be commended”, “great progress”, “crucial investments”, and then finish it with “Premier Lord merits recognition for being on the right path and moving as rapidly as he can.” I know, Schultz, you have gushed over me several times in the last few weeks but I really need one more (we have a by election coming up you know).

Schultz (Al Hogan): Okay, Hogan.

Klink: Schultz! What’s this I hear about a declining economy, out-migration, increasing dependence on EI and Equalization! What’s this I hear about the lowest R&D spending in Canada! What’s this about New Brunswick having the lowest percentage of households in Canada connected to the Internet! Schultz!

Schultz (Al Hogan): I see nothing. I know nothing.